My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
