i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
whose parrot is this?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
