You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
