it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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