I want to walk on stilts...naked
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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