the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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