Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
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