Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
