just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
