I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
