i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
