so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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