He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
