This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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