I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
