The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
These tits shall not be calmed
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
