The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
