When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.