I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
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i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
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Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.