you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.