that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.