dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done