piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???