I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Also, beer. Big fan.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize
