I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Randomize
