It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
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He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
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I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
What happened to fro yo and sex?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.