Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
