I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
