so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
