You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
