How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
