I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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