If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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