it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
