sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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