Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
zippers are such a cool invention
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
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