no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
