Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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