It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
