Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
