he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
