At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
