So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
