He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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