i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
