haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Randomize
