there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
