nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize