No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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