My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
