You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
