so that wasnt chicken after all
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
