I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
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