i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
