when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
