also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
you win again, gameday.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
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