i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
