your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
