His pubic hair was longer than his dick
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Church boner. Awkwardddd
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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