omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
