I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize