In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
4 words: hood of his car
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
