If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
