Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize