u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
